Forget Valentines Day. Try This Instead

You knew it was coming because it’s everywhere. All in the news. Spammed in your email. And commercialized with almost every retailer. It’s the dreaded Valentines day.

Singles dread this day if they aren’t boo’d up. Seasoned marrieds typically ignore it. So, one could conclude that this supposed day of celebration for newly weds and those in new relationships, right?



Fact: Valentines Day can literally make or break your relationship. 62% of consumers celebrate Valentine’s Day and 53% of relationships end because Valentines Day was not acknowledged. But why are we tempting fate with this mess with only a 50% chance of survival?!

I personally don’t care that some people believe that it’s a made-up holiday cause as for me and my house? We shall recognize! We may not always buy the “things”, but we most definitely do something. Okurrrrrr!

If you don’t know me personally or can’t tell by my degree in biblical studies (a hard-earned degree btw…toots horn), I am a lover of historical things. If I’m going to make an effort to acknowledge this particular day, I need all the answers.

Learning about the people who came before us and the things they’ve endured before our time is truly a magical experience for me. So here’s a little V-Day history lesson for ya that may soften your heart and lead you to celebrate or acknowledge this day for more than what society attempts by force.

“Your Valentine”

Saint Valentine’s Day is an official feast day in recognition of Saint Valentine of Rome. He was imprisoned and then martyred for officiating weddings for soldiers (who were forbidden to marry) and for spreading the word of God by ministering to Christians persecuted under the roman empire. Before he was killed, he healed a judge’s daughter from blindness and wrote her a letter (probably a love letter… #swoon) that was signed “Your Valentine”.

In honor of this courageous man, we now recognize Saint Valentine’s Day: A day to profess or reflect on love and theoretically lay your life down for what you believe. Clearly, St. V was a rebel. A fighter. A lover… and I can totally dig that. I can celebrate this.

Here’s what I’ve decided to do instead: Forget societies version of Valentine’s Day. Especially if you’re only looking to receive something. Celebrate if and when you’re ready to stand and fight for love and not just the romantic kind of love but ALL love.

Whatever you expect for Valentine’s Day (love letter, flowers, cards, candy, clean house, pedi, mani, money etc.) do it for yourself FIRST then do for others.

We all know the saying “you can’t pour from a empty cup” right? Well, St. Valentine didn’t have the distractions or issues that we face today. Our 21st century version of giving ourselves up entirely for love would be a double whammy and we probably wouldn’t make it past the age of 18 if we lived like he did. Therefore, we modernize. We practice self love so that we can love others and allow them to love us.

It may seem corny and maybe narcissistic to do this when you’re single but it’s the best way to show people that you love YOU and your life is not on hold for what may happen in the future. Take that trip girl!

If you’ve taken a lover (in my Carrie Bradshaw voice), communicate to your lover exactly what you want and expect on this day (or any other holiday). Don’t be shy about it either!

Even if you’re married, know this: marriage changes over time. Your values, wants, needs, and expectations WILL change…so celebrate how you see fit. Do something for you, do something for bae, or heck do something for the dog or the kids!

If we can only gather one good lesson from the life and death of Saint. Valentine, it’s this; Do Love with action…but DO LOVE.

XO Minister Sharnise Sears