Dearest Reader (in my Lady Whistledown voice),
You've been dreaming about your wedding day since you were knee-high to a grasshopper, picturing the look in your partner's eyes as they watch you walking down the aisle, the perfect color of the sunset as you share your first dance... And now it's almost here. But wait, is that a flutter of butterflies in your stomach or the cold feet we so often hear about?
Well, let's press pause on the wedding playlist for a moment and chat about this.
I remember feeling this same way 10 years ago as I prepared for my walk down the aisle. My future husband was amazing though! He was kind, fine, and showed all the green flags however, cold feet almost kept us from saying I-do. There was nothing inherently wrong with our relationship, but I’m not gone lie, there were some things that I felt warranted a reflective pause.
Experiencing a bout of doubt before your wedding day or even during your marriage is as normal as your Uncle Bob's offbeat dance moves at family weddings. It's a big step, and with big steps come big emotions, including a sprinkle of uncertainty. Now, if your wedding day jitters feel more like a winter storm than a mild chill, this could be your mind's way of saying, "Hey, this is important, let's take a moment to consider it carefully…like at a snail’s pace carefully".
So, go ahead, sit down with your doubt over a cup of hot tea, and have a heart-to-heart. It's okay to ask yourself some serious questions about your relationship, your expectations, and your future. My first suggestion to you is to get those thoughts out of your head. Check out a few of my favorite journals here.
If you’re not a fan of writing, feel free to use the note section on your phone and even try talk to text. At least there, you can use swear words or if you’re too holy for the potty language, use emojis. Either way, give those thoughts and emotions an out.
Another suggestion; don’t sleep on the power of mindfulness of meditation. For years, I was not a fan of meditation but chillleeeee it has been a game changer for me. Using your journal or biblical scriptures as a guide, sit and reflect on those during your meditation time. Light the candles, turn on the meditation playlist, and vibe out. When you make space for your thoughts and emotions, your world literally changes. Check out Headspace or Calm app. Feel free to tell Alexa to play ‘Soaking’ music to help you to stay centered in the present moment rather than worrying about the future.
Stopping here would be a total disservice. If you haven’t added Premarital or even individual counseling to your wedding to-do list, (shameless plug), book it now. There is no greater feeling than being heard and validated especially amid the bombardment of everyone’s opinions as you plan your wedding. Attending counseling does not mean that something is wrong, it’s just a way to center yourself and say whatever you want without judgment.
My fourth and final, yet most impactful suggestion I have to offer is to communicate with your partner. Yes, you should most definitely share your thoughts of red flags, worry, cold feet, doubt, anxiety, and whatever else comes up with your future spouse. When I finally decided to talk to my then fiancé (and now husband), it made space for him to share his doubts and fears too! Yes! Men have feelings and thoughts too y’all! Who knew?! (Just kidding!). If you struggle with where to start or how to bring up those conversations, check out some conversation cards like these.
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If you must have your phone (we’ll talk about that in another blog cause it’s a whole thing these days), check out the Lasting or Gottman Institutes Card Decks app that can also help facilitate important conversations and foster better understanding between you and your partner.
Remember, it is very normal to experience some level of doubt or fear when making significant life decisions. But if your thoughts are causing more than normal levels of anxiety, fear, worry, or even feelings of depression, it is time to consider speaking with your doctor or licensed mental health professional. Although the resources listed above can provide guidance and reassurance as you navigate your path, these tools are not meant to replace true professional help.
In the end, every couple is a unique blend of harmony, challenges, and yes, even a dash of doubt. It's part of the recipe for a dynamic and real relationship. So, let's embrace the dance of doubt, cold feet, and all, with a few tools under our belt and with the knowledge that it's all part of the beautifully unpredictable rhythm of love.
XO,
Minister Sharnise
P.S. Stay tuned for Part 2 of ‘Navigating Doubt’. This subject is way too big and too important for just one blog.
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